Skipping around a little bit

(So I'm skipping some of the Every Day in May prompts. Some of them just don't appeal to me.)

Rant about something. Get up on your soapbox and tell us how you really feel. (a pet peeve, a current event, a controversial topic, something your husband or roommate or neighbor or boss does that really ticks you off)


There are no shortage of things in this world that get me up in arms, that's for sure. It's no secret that I am a huge bleeding heart liberal, and therefore pretty much the entire conservative agenda pisses me off. It's the blatant hypocrisy that kills me. They can tell us we can't marry someone of the same gender because of the "sanctity" of marriage, even if they've been married four times and had extramarital affairs. They can eliminate sex education, then force women to give birth to children they can't support, and then de-fund all the programs that are in place to support the children they cared so much about when they were in the womb but apparently become mooching parasites as soon as they take their first breath. They can scream and yell about taxes and hide their money in offshore accounts but are the first ones to send our military (funded by tax dollars) to war. They lament that we are falling behind other countries in academics but slash education funding at every opportunity. They say that terrorists "hate us for our freedom" and then seek to impose laws based on their own personal religious beliefs. And please don't get me started on religion. Oy vey.

Get real. Share something you're struggling with right now.

It feels like kind of a cop out to say money because hey, welcome to the real world, but there it is. Mainly I worry about the increase in cost for Cash to attend the small Kindergarten program he is going to in the fall, and then what we will do next year as far as school goes. We'll be paying almost $100 more per month than we paid for his preschool, but even that is a drop in the bucket compared to what private school costs. So I have no idea what we will do if public school still doesn't seem to fit the bill for him after this year. The school we like does have financial aid, but the typical award is only 20-30% of tuition. So yeah. There's a big part of my brain stamped with "MONEY."

Aside from that, I'm always struggling with how to teach Cash to be more outgoing. I've seen him trying to talk to another child, but he speaks so quietly and he doesn't say anything to get their attention so they have no idea he's talking to them. I thought going to preschool was supposed to teach him social skills, but we've got a ways to go on that front. Of course, we've also come a long way from the 2-year-old who used to cry every day when it was time for school. So who knows what the next couple of years may bring!

Tell a story from your childhood. Dig deep and try to be descriptive about what you remember and how you felt.

Not unlike Cash, I was an angsty child. I worried a lot. If we talked about fire safety in school, I worried our house would burn down. If I saw a scary movie, I worried a scary clown was going to get me. I worried about burglars. I worried about doing well in school so much that my Mom had to take me to meet with my first grade teacher to convince me I wasn't failing first grade. (I had the best grades in the class.) I worried about what other people thought of me. I worried about my weight (yes, even at a pretty young age, which is sad). I don't know why I was so worried and angsty, and I don't remember when I stopped being so angsty (to some extent, I still am). But I remember many nights moving from my bed to the sofa in the living room because it was right outside my parents' room. I remember worrying what my parents thought about me sleeping out there. I also remember a long stretch when I outright refused to sleep in my bed, so my Dad slept in there and I slept with my Mom. I always felt bad and like I was inconveniencing them, but that was better than laying in bed, paralyzed with fear. That is one of the big reasons we still co-sleep. I don't ever want Cash to feel badly about being afraid or wanting to be near me at night. He starts off in his bed, we read together and I lay with him until he falls asleep. Without fail, at some point in the night, he wakes up and comes to my bed, and I have never said a word to him that might indicate I have a problem with that. I would much rather scrunch in bed between my two boys than have him lying in his bed, paralyzed by fear the way I used to.

A favorite photo of yourself and why

One of the first pictures of me as a mother.

Something difficult about your "lot in life" and how you're working to overcome it

Hmm. I don't usually consider myself to have a "lot" in life. I mean, would life be easier with more money? Definitely. But my kids are fed, clothed and well cared for. We own a home. We both have jobs. And just those three things put us miles ahead of millions of people in this world.

The one thing I am always working to improve is the way I parent. I am, and always have been, a little short on patience. And when you live with a 1 and 4 year old, you really need an unending supply. Especially when they are both Mama's boys who want your full attention at every moment. We've had more good days than bad lately, but it is a conscious effort for me not to lose it when Charlie has dug old paper plates or banana peels out of the trash for the fourth time in a row and Cash is yelling at me to put Charlie in his high chair because he doesn't want to be near him. Yeah. Lots of deep breaths.

There's also the challenge of raising a child who is so unlike you in so many ways. Or at least unlike the current you. I was also very timid and shy as a child, but (clearly) I outgrew it. So it's hard for me to understand sometimes how freaked out Cash gets in certain situations, so I have to remind myself to look at it as little kid Callie, not grown-up Callie. What can I say? I'm a work in progress.

Day in the Life

My weekdays are so scheduled I can break it down for you practically to the minute:

• 6:00 - Jason comes in to wake me up
• 6:10 - I get up, proceed to the bathroom for teeth brushing, makeup application, etc.
• Sometime between 6:15 and 7:00 the boys will wake up. Jason feeds Charlie breakfast. Cash eats at my parents' house.
• Cash, Charlie and I head out around 7:15 or 7:20. I drop Cash at my parents' and Charlie at day care, then head to work.
• 8-5: Work, socializing with work friends, eat breakfast, eat lunch, etc. On Wednesdays I go to my Weight Watchers meeting. Most days I try to leave the building at lunch even if it's just to run to Target so I can at least see the sun during the day.
• 5:15 - I get to day care to pick up Charlie. Some days I go pick Cash up, some days Jason does it.
• 6:00 - We're usually all home by this point. Jason makes dinner and we all eat together.
• 6:45 - 8:00: Play time. Could be in the yard, at the park across the street, in the basement, wherever. Baths also occur during this time, especially for Charlie who gets absolutely filthy at day care.
• 8 - 8:30: Bedtime routines begin. Jason usually walks and bounces Charlie and I go upstairs with Cash to read and lay with him until he's asleep.
• 8:30 - 10: Grown up time. We watch TV, get the next day's clothes laid out, play on Facebook, whatever.
• 10 - 10:30: Bed time for me. Jason stays up until God only knows when but I head up to watch a little TV Land before falling asleep. The End.

Weekends are totally different, of course, and follow no real pattern. We may go to some kind of kids event, hang out at my parents' house, go shopping, go to Lexington to see Jason's parents, who knows. Right now Cash has tee ball on Sundays. Other than that, we are wide open, which sounds good but can be a little overhwheming with two boys running around off their schedule. We have to get out of the house on the weekends or we would all kill each other!

I skipped one

May 13 was "Issue a public apology." I couldn't think of anyone or anything I should apologize to, so I'm skipping it. Maybe I should say I'm sorry to my ass for letting it get so big...

Anyway, I like today's much better. Ten things that make you really happy:

• The sound of my kids laughing
• The way my husband smells just out of the shower
• 5:00 on Friday afternoon
• Charlie's face when I pick him up at day care
• Pay day
• Picking out the perfect gift for someone I love
• Flip flop weather
• The sound and smell of the ocean
• Watching Golden Girls or Designing Women on TV
• Eclair cake (OMG, I would kill for some eclair cake right now...)